I repeatedly hear “shoulds” in my head. ”I  should exercise. I would feel better if I exercised. Oooh, I hurt, I should rest. My body needs rest but I’m supposed to exercise. My gut needs an hour on the treadmill. Yeah, that’s it! No, it’s not. Yes it is. Just do it. Maybe I should …”

How do you know when you should exercise, when you should modify your workout and when you should  just suck it up and do it anyway?

Many of our decisions about exercise happen beneath the conscious level. Every time you hear yourself say the word, “should,” use that as a cue to practice training an emotional muscle. Strong emotional muscles will align your  behavior with your goals and keep you healthy. Strong emotional muscles will make it easier for you to feel happy and make regular and consistent exercise a lifelong habit. Weak emotional muscles rely on “shoulds and supposed to’s.” Strengthening your emotional muscles starts with awareness and practice.  When you hear the first “should,” ask yourself to report the facts just like a prosecuting attorney would do.

Example #1. The question is, “should I exercise today? Hmm…ok… well, let’s see…in the last 4 days this body has had pain spikes reaching 9.7 on a scale of 10, it has had to absorb powerful medicine it is not used to processing, it’s had less sleep than normal and it has not eaten solid food.  Should I exercise? If so, what should I do? If not, why not?

Example #2. In the last 4 days I’ve been too busy to exercise, I’ve eaten lunch from the vending machine, I started putting cream in my coffee again, I promised my daughter a week ago I’d take her to the mall, I had a fight with my boss and I’m tired. Should I exercise? If so, what should I do? If not, why not?

Example #3. In the last 4 days I have not missed exercise once. I ate 5 servings of fruits and vegetables 2 of those 4 days. My shoulder is really sore but I’m supposed to work shoulders and abs today. I hate to miss, I’m getting such good cuts in my arms. Should I exercise? If so, what should I do? If not, why not?

When you make a decision based on your own self inquiry, the congruence between your head and your heart provides an intelligence that is worthy of your trust. You can trust that your internal intelligence is smarter than your spouse, the military, the magazine, your former coaches or the guys you played ball with in high school. More important than any one workout is the emotional maturity that went into the decision about how, when and why you exercised in the first place. No matter what you decide to do about your exercise today, lose the “shoulds” and start training your emotional muscles. Nobody has your back like you do.

If your goal is to elicit permanent change in your body, consistency is very important. One of the first questions I ask my clients is, “how consistent have you been?”  It looks like many of us are ashamed. When exercise becomes something else that is stressing you out I say, “pull the plug, think about it differently,” or just plain, “snap out of it.” Start by making a change that you can sustain for the rest of your life. Focus on the consistency. Over-training can be just as damaging as under-training and vice versa. If you are lucky enough to have physical comfort and you can exercise, start there. If you have not been blessed with physical comfort then start at a point beneath the pain threshold.

Stop punishing yourself with your workouts, or lack there of. Making a consistent change in your habits takes emotional maturity. Exercise is a good place to look for clues as to how emotionally mature a person is. Look at a person’s habits. Icksnay on the judgement. Just look at behavior. What is your goal, and what are you willing to do for the rest of your bloomin’ life, that is consistent with that goal?